60 Stupid, Silly Stories
by bluegirl19
Summary: What is Shino's cellphone like? Why do Shikamaru and Kiba always smell like cinnamon? What happens when Neji gets addicted to Happy Bunny? Many strange questions answered! This is just a collection of random Naruto oneshots. Enjoy the randomness!
1. The Right Time to Get a New Ring Tone

**Hi people! Welcome to my first attempt at a Naruto fanfic! This is just a collection of random funny stories that I came up with. I hope you enjoy them! This story is rated T for language, adult themes, and just all around silliness!**

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own Naruto, or pretty much anything else mentioned in this story. If you really want to know who does, stop being lazy and just do an internet search.**

**60 Stupid, Silly Stories**

**Chapter 1: The Right Time to Get a New Ring Tone**

**BAM! BOOM!**

Kurenai jumped behind a large rock.

"Damn! This looks bad! I better call for backup." she said. She performed multiple hand signs, bit her thumb, and pressed it on the ground saying, "Summoning Technique!" In a puff of smoke, a small, very cute badger appeared out of nowhere.

"Now's the time." said Kurenai. The badger cleared its throat.

"RING RING RING RING RING RING RING BANANA PHONE!" it sang.

"Just hand it over! I don't have time for the song!" said Kurenai. The badger stopped its song, and looked very sad as it reached into its pocket and pulled out a long, yellow banana phone……

**Konoha**

Hinata, Kiba, and Shino were all seated at a table at a fancy restaurant, reading their menus.

Kiba stood up. "I'm going to use the restroom." he said, but before he could get anywhere, the _Barbie Girl_ song could be heard. Kiba froze, and Hinata looked up from her menu. Shino reached into his coat pocket, and pulled out hot pink flip phone. Kiba and Hinata just stared, too shocked to move or speak.

"Hello?" said Shino, "Yes. Yes. We'll be right over. What is that? 'Ring ring ring banana phone?' What's that supposed to mean. Oh, I see. You had to bring _him_ out. Just get him to shut up before we get there. Ok, bye." he put the pink phone back in his pocket.

"Kurenai-sensei needs us. Let's go." said Shino, standing up. Kiba and Hinata still didn't move.

"Come on!" said Shino.

"S-Sorry!" said Hinata, snapping out of her daze. Kiba shook his head.

"Yeah, let's go." said Kiba.

"Don't you need to go to the bathroom?" asked Shino.

"Not anymore." said Kiba, his face growing red.

**So, how did you like it? It was much funnier in my head then when I actually wrote it. Oh well. I will write more chapters later! Hopefully they will be funnier, too! Please review!**

**(For those who noticed, I decided that badgers now have pockets. Deal with it.)**

**Next Time: A Beary Good Disguise**


	2. A Beary Good Disguise

**Okay! I'm starting on my second story! I don't really know how this one will play out. I guess I'll just make it up as I go along. Anyway, I hope you like it!**

**Warning: ****This story is weird. Just deal with it. Anyway, I am a girl with an opinion, just like everybody else. I have favorite characters, and characters that I don't like as much. But that really makes no difference in my writing. I just write whatever comes into my head. Like, for example, my last chapter. Personally, I am a big fan of Shino (only ask if you're ready for a very long explanation). Even though this is true, I still made fun of him a lot last chapter. That's mainly just because he's easy and fun to make fun of. It's that simple. I am the kind of person that will read any story, no matter what the pairings are. I'm sorry if you aren't. **

**(Cough Cough)**

**Sorry about that. I try to poke a little bit of fun at everyone. I'm sorry if you care more about pairings then the story. Please, read my story! I don't pick on any one person! I pick on EVERYONE!**

**I'm sorry. I got a little carried away. I'm sorry if I sounded mean, but I hope you get the point. Ok, on with other things.**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Naruto, or any bears, or any pineapple, or any pie, or pretty much anything else. I know, I'm just as depressed as you are.**

**Chapter 2: A Beary Good Disguise**

It was a clear, cloudless night. The woods outside Konoha were silent. Well, mostly, that is. An owl could be heard.

_Hoot. Hoot. Hoot. HOOOOOOOOOOOO…….._

**BAM!**

Ok, _now_ it was completely silent. Thank you, random hunter who I have no connections to and did not hire just for the purpose of killing that owl.

"You're welcome." said the hunter.

Anyway, it was a silent night…………….

Ok, so you get the point. On the road to Konoha, a lone figure stood (let me get my binoculars into focus………). It was a bear. On the road to Konoha, a lone _bear_ stood. It began to walk. It followed the path, and finally arrived at the gates of Konoha. Now, Konoha is very good at defending against enemy ninja that come into the city, but they have no protection against bears. So, the bear just walked its silly bear-walk into the city (am I the only person that think its funny when bears walk?). The bear walked down the Konoha streets, and eventually came to a market street. There were many little stands with an array of exquisite things in them. Now, the bear, which had just walked all the way to Konoha, was beginning to get rather hungry. So, naturally, the bear walked up to a food stand. This particular food stand carried many delicious fruit on it. While most people in the city didn't think of bears as a problem, the owner of this fruit stand was different then them. In fact, he was different then everybody. He was the kind of guy that kept all of his toenails he had ever clipped in a jar that he proudly displayed on mantle above his fireplace. He was the kind of guy that kept a collection of hair, and not just his hair. He just went up to random people on the street with unusual hair color or texture or something and pulled out one of their hairs, and placed it in a book.

Sorry, got off track; back to the bear. Anyway, the owner of the shop had made a very complicated bear defense system; he had a string in the front of his stand, and if, say, a bear were to walk its silly bear-walk into it, it would pull a pineapple off on of the top shelf. Then, said pineapple would fall onto said bear's head, causing it to fall unconscious. Now, this would have been a good plan, if only the weird dude who ran the stand would have done his research. If he had done so, he would know that bears have very dense skulls, and a mere pineapple would not cause it to fall unconscious. So our bear, who, until this point has remained nameless, will be named 'Steve'. Ok, so Steve the Bear walked up to the fruit stand. When he did so, he ran into the earlier mentioned string, as intended. So, consequently, the pineapple fell on Steve the Bear's head, but, not as expected by the weird dude, the pineapple did not cause Steve the Bear to fall unconscious. It just landed on the back of his head, and stayed there. The bottom of the pineapple had been destroyed due to impact. So, now Steve the Bear had half a pineapple on the back of his head. He did not notice this because he was enjoying the other fruit at the stand while the whole pineapple incident had occurred. And if you have ever tried to disturb a bear while it is eating fruit by throwing a pineapple at it, you will understand this.

Once Steve the Bear had finished eating all of the fruit in the stand (except for the pineapple that was on his head), he wandered on through the city. By this point, the sun was beginning to rise, and the people of Konoha were beginning to awaken. Steve the Bear continued on, and wandered to the top of a hill. Now, the sun was up completely. When Steve the Bear got to the top of the hill, he saw a boy, lying on his back, staring up at the clouds. This boy had brown eyes and very spiky hair that in some ways looked like a pineapple. For the convenience of me, the author, I will give this boy the completely random name 'Shikamaru'.

"RRRAAAAAAARRRR!" said Steve the Bear. Shikamaru the Human Boy looked at Steve the Bear with very low amounts of interest.

"Get lost." said Shikamaru the Human Boy.

At this point, Steve the Bear was angry. He was ready to attack Shikamaru the Human Boy. Steve the Bear began his silly bear-walk over to Shikamaru the Human Boy. Shikamaru the Human Boy still showed little interest or fear. Now Steve the Bear had begun to charge. Then suddenly, Steve the Bear tripped on a small pebble and fell face-first onto the ground. Shikamaru the Human Boy still showed little interest. Then, out of nowhere, a small meteor fell from the sky and hit Shikamaru the Human Boy on the head, causing him to fall unconscious. Steve the Bear got up from the ground and looked over at his unconscious opponent. Now, Steve the Bear and his small little bear mind failed to comprehend what had happened, so he just assumed that he had some how, as if magically, knocked Shikamaru the Human Boy unconscious. Steve the Bear was happy. No, it was more then just happy. It was pure elation.

"What are you doing? We have to practice now!" Steve the Bear turned around. Ino was running up the hill, waving at him.

"You're so lazy. Come on!" said Ino. Although his small little bear mind still could not comprehend what was going on, Steve the Bear walked his silly bear-walk over to Ino.

"God, Shikamaru; you've gotten hairy. Don't you ever shave or something?" said Ino, shaking her head. Steve the Bear was still not comprehending, but continued to walk over to Ino. Ino, whose mind was not much larger then Steve the Bear's, did not see the difference between a six foot tall bear with a pineapple on its head and her comrade that she spent everyday with. Also, her opinion was that Shikamaru was a very hideously ugly person, and it might ruin her wonderfully blue eyes to look at him. Because of this, she never really got a good look of Shikamaru anyway, which also aided into her confusion.

"Uhhhhhhhhhrrrrruuuuu" Steve the Bear grunted. Once he had walked over to Ino the two started off towards the training fields together. Now, the hill that Shikamaru the Human Boy liked was on the opposite side of the town in relation to the training fields. So, naturally, Steve the Bear and Ino had to walk through the town, on the busiest street. During the beginning of their walk, they happened to walk in front of the Ichiraku Ramen Bar. When they passed, they heard two strangely familiar voices.

"Finally! I feel like it's been ages since my last bowl of ramen!" said the first voice.

"You just had some for breakfast." said the second voice. "But I understand. It feels like forever since I last had something to eat. I thought I would starve!"

"You ate a bag of chips on the way over." said the first voice.

"CHOUJI!!!!!" screamed Ino, entering Ichiraku Ramen Bar. "Put down the chopsticks! We have training to do!" Chouji and Naruto were sitting with a mountain of empty bowls on the counter where they were eating.

"Awwwww; but I just got started!" said Chouji.

"Too bad!" said Ino. "I just found Shikamaru. Let's go!"

"If you just found him, then where is he?" asked Naruto.

"He's……….. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" shrieked Ino. "WHERE IS HE?" When she turned around, she found nobody behind her. She ran out of the shop, followed by Chouji and Naruto. Once outside, the trio immediately found Steve the Bear. He was at the shop across the street.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the shop owner, "GET THIS FREAKISH BEAR OUT OF MY SHOP!!" Steve the Bear was rather happy as he ate a blueberry pie. No, it was more then just happy. It was pure elation.

"Shikamaru! Where are your manners? I knew you were lazy and rude, but this crosses the line!" said Ino.

"This bear is your friend?" asked the shop owner.

"No, I'm just stuck training with him every day. And, by the way, he's not a bear. He may be rude, but he's not an animal. Come on." said Ino. Steve the Bear finished off all of the pies in the shop, then left with Ino and Chouji. Naruto just stayed where he was.

"It's five hundred dollars." said the shop owner.

"What?" said Naruto, totally spazzing out.

"Somebody has to pay for the pies your friend ate. You're the only one left. PAY!" said the owner.

"Fine" said Naruto groaned. He looked up at the sky. "Curse you, Shikamaru!" screamed Naruto up to the heavens.

Back in the city, Ino, Chouji, and Steve the Bear were all walking together down a random street. Kiba came walking out of a random shop, and ran right into Steve the Bear.

"Hey Kiba" said Chouji. Kiba looked at Ino and Chouji, then at Steve the Bear, then Ino and Chouji again, then Steve the Bear again, then Ino and Chouji, Steve the Bear, Ino and Chouji, Steve the Bear, Ino and Chouji, Steve the Bear, a UFO, Ino and Chouji, Steve the Bear, Ino and Chouji, Steve the Bear, Ino and Chouji, Akamaru, Steve the Bear, Ino and Chouji, Steve the Bear, a badger, Ino and Chouji, Steve the Bear, Ino and Chouji, Steve the Bear, Ino and Chouji, pie, Steve the Bear, Ino and Chouji, more pie, Steve the Bear, Ino and Chouji, Steve the Bear, Ino and Chouji, Steve the Bear, Ino and Chouji…….

So you get the point.

"What are you doing with that bear? Where's Shikamaru?" asked Kiba.

"This _is _Shikamaru. Is he really so rude that everybody is going to call him a bear all day?" asked Ino.

"No, that's a bear." said Kiba, eyeing Steve the Bear.

"No it's not! Are you blind or just stupid? I think you should just go die or something." said Ino. Kiba looked at her, very hurt.

"It's a bear, I tell you!" he said with a tear in his eye. "And by the way he smells, I can tell that his name begins with the letter 'S' and ends with an 'E'. You believe me, don't you, Chouji?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh………."

"I'll give you a barbeque flavored chip."

"YES!!!!!!! How is that not Shikamaru, again?" asked Chouji, upon receiving the Magic Chip from Kiba.

"Right!" said Kiba, excited at his chance to make himself sound smart. "Well, simply put, it doesn't smell like Shikamaru."

"And how is that?" asked Ino.

"Well, I know what Shikamaru normally smells like." said Kiba. "He smells like his shampoo, a fruity blueberry-ish smell. He smells like his moisturizing cream, coco butter. He smells like his conditioner, cinnamon. He smells like his deodorant, powder fresh. He smells like….."

"Ok, stop there." said Ino. "You're freaking me out. How do you know what all of Shika's, uhhhhhhhhh, beauty products smell like?"

Kiba's eyes narrowed, and he shifted them back and forth. Then, he mumbled something.

"What was that?" asked Ino, beginning to become a little scared.

"'Cuz………….."

"Yes?"

"I…………I………I WEAR THE SAME STUFF! WE GO SHOPPING FOR BEAUTY PRODUCTS TOGETHER!" Ino and Chouji just stared in amazement, their eyes open wide.

"WTF!? THAT'S SO WEIRD!" Ino said. By this point, Kiba was sobbing hysterically.

"I'm sorry." said Ino softly. "Jeez, I didn't mean it like that. Please stop crying. You're kinda freaking me out."

"What? I'm not crying!" said Kiba. Kiba, Ino, and Chouji all looked down. On the ground, right below Kiba's feet, sat a rather large plate of onions.

"Who put that there?" exclaimed Kiba. The trio all turned their heads. Shikamaru the Human Boy was standing behind them.

"Hey! How did you get here? What's going on? I'm confused." said Ino. Then, there was an awkward silence. "Isn't anybody going to explain?" asked Ino.

"Do I have to?" asked Shikamaru the Human Boy.

"Uhhhh, yeah. Otherwise neither us, the characters, nor the readers will understand what happened." said Ino.

"Fine" said Shikamaru the Human Boy, sounding annoyed. "Well, you've been hanging out all day with a bear."

"Told you! HA!" said Kiba.

"Ok, anyway, long story short; the bear saw me on the hill this morning, it tripped, a meteor hit me and knocked me unconscious, you found the bear and thought it was me, I regained consciousness, and I went to find you because I knew you'd be to stupid to figure out that it was a bear on your own. I overheard the conversation and accidentally dropped my plate of onions, which fell under Kiba. Now I'm here. End of story."

Cheap music starts playing. Curtains close. A strange pig pops up.

"Th-Th-That's all folks!" says the pig.

"WAIT! WE AREN'T DONE YET! SHUT UP YOU STUPID PIG!" yells Ino in the backround. Suddenly, the pig is pulled behing the curtain. Loud banging and a random cat are heard. Then, as if magically, the curtains are pulled back, revealing the previous scene with Shikamaru, Kiba, and Ino.

"Ok, what were you saying again?" asked Ino in a polite voice. The pig had now disappeared, but there were a few blood stains on the ground.

"That's it." said Shikamaru the Human Boy.

"Oh, that's right." said Ino.

"Hold on a second, where did that bear go? How about Chouji?" asked Kiba.

"I'm right here!" said Chouji, who was suddenly behind them. His shirt now had multiple red spots on it.

"What happened?" asked Ino.

"Uhhhhhhhh, nothing, just had a little snack." said Chouji. Then, he started coughing violently.

"Are you ok?" asked Ino. Chouji then coughed out something. Upon farther inspection, it seemed like a rather large bone.

"Chouji, you didn't eat that bear, did you?" asked Shikamaru the Human Boy, narrowing his eyes. Chouji's face began to redden.

"CHOUJI! HOW DARE YOU EAT A LIVING BEAR THAT WE THOUGHT WAS SHIKAMARU!!" screamed Ino. Kiba looked a little scared. His team was almost always peaceful and cooperative, so he wasn't used to this kind of fighting.

"You're not going to kill him, are you?" asked Kiba.

"I'M SORRY!" screamed Chouji. "He was both meaty and fruity…………It's truly a great combination. In fact, I think I'm going to go invent a fruity tasting meat now. Bye!"

Chouji took off running.

"So, what do we do now?" asked Kiba.

"Well, the story should be ending soon. I guess we should just dance or something." said Shikamaru the Human Boy. Then, a very cool techno beat started playing, and Ino, Kiba, and Shikamaru all began to do a very strange dance. Cheap music starts playing. Curtains close. That strange pig pops up again, with many bruises.

"Th-Th-That's all………."

**BAM!**

The pig collapses on the ground. The random hunter comes in front of the curtain.

"The end"

**So, how do you like it? I know that it's really weird and all. Please review!**

**Next time: A Very Happy Bunny**


	3. A Very Happy Bunny

**Dun dun dun! It's chapter three! WOOT! Just like the last one, I don't really know what I'm going to write. I have two major plot points worked out. That's it. So, if you're interested to see what I can come up with, please continue on! Uhhhhhhhh, not much more to say. I guess that I'll just go on with the technical stuff. Actually, before I start, let me just give a short explanation.**

**WHAT IS HAPPY BUNNY?**

**Yes, I know that this may be a question going through some of you're minds. Please read this if you don't know. If you do, you can still read it, just to see how I will describe it. OK. Happy Bunny is an icon of sarcasm. Happy Bunny is a cute little bunny who says mean things, such as the infamous 'Hi, loser'. Happy Bunny is on books, clothes, calendars (I have one), and many other things. Ok, now on with the technical stuff.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Happy Bunny, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Clair's, or anything else mentioned in this story. In fact, some of the ideas and funny lines weren't even thought of by me. I must give credit to my friends. Yes, you deserve credit, friends. Especially Kurisutiina. Congrats! I didn't come up with much. Well, actually I came up with a lot of things...**

**Ok, done ranting. Well, maybe a little more. I would like to apologize to anybody that this story might offend. There are some characters in my story that might offend some people. The only point for them being in the story is randomness. Nothing else. I was in no way trying to offend anybody. Ok, on with the story!**

**Chapter 3: A Very Happy Bunny**

It was a bright and sunny day in Konoha. All of the villagers were happy, merry people on such a day. Well, all, that is, except for a small group of bears out in the forest who were mourning the loss of one of their own, but that is another story. Ok, back to people of Konoha. The day was filled with happiness, singing, humming, and random dancing. The spontaneous singing and dancing moments seemed to be out of a musical, you know, one of those moments when somebody just starts singing and dancing for no apparent reason and you just think, "What the heck?" Yep, you know what I mean; one of those kind of things.

Ok, back to the story that I will be starting now. Everybody in Konoha was happy, blah blah blah, you know. Everybody, that is, except one boy; Neji. Neji was sitting under a tree in the forests of Konoha, currently resting as his teammates trained. Little did he know that they weren't training at all. Rock Lee and Tenten were just standing, talking.

"You know, I think he needs a hobby." said Tenten, looking at Neji.

"I know! We should make training his new hobby!" said Lee excitedly. Tenten had one of those anime sweat drops.

"Probably not" said Tenten. She thought for a moment. "I know! We could take him shopping! I'm sure we'll find something for him!" she said.

"Great idea! We could buy him some new training equipment!" exclaimed Lee.

"Whatever" said Tenten.

"Yes! We shall go on a shopping trip, and it will be very youthful!" said Lee.

"Ok. OI, NEJI!" yelled Tenten. "GET YOUR LAZY BUTT OVER HERE! WE'RE GOING SHOPPING!" Neji looked at his teammates.

"No. I hate you. Leave me alone." said Neji. Tenten sighed. He never seemed to get tired of saying that. She thought for a second, before coming up with the perfect plan.

"I'll buy you a sugar cookie with pink frosting and those round sprinkles that you like if you come." she said. Neji looked down at his feet.

"Fine" he said, standing up. "Is the spandex wonder coming as well?"

Tenten shrugged. "Well, we can't leave him alone. He could hurt someone. Remember that last time?"

Neji's eyes widened. He recalled a memory from about a month ago………

**FLASHBACK:**

Neji and Tenten were walking down a Konoha street.

"Where'd he go? We left him right here!" said Tenten.

"Byakugan!" said Neji, using his Bloodline Limit. He looked around for a second. "Found him! We need to go up the street and take a right!" he said, rather loudly.

"SHUT UP! Do you want everybody to know that we're so incompetent we lost Lee!" screamed Tenten.

"No, but they know now that you've screamed it into the heavens!" said Neji.

"Urg, never mind, let's go!" said Tenten, as Neji and she ran down the street and took a right. What they saw was not pretty. Lee was just standing over somebody. This person seemed to be wearing a lot of red. There was a large sword sticking out of this person's chest.

"Lee, you didn't..." said Neji.

"OMG! YOU KILLED..." screamed Tenten. Who did Lee kill? Was it a bird? Was it a plane? Was it something that actually makes sense! Find out...AFTER THE COMMERCIAL BREAK!

**Commercial #1:**

A picture of Neji appears. An announcer is talking.

"Neji can use his Byakugan to see through trees. But can he see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?" says the announcer.

"Because they are destined to?" said Neji questioningly.

"NO! Because there are swirls of cinnamon sugar in every bite!" says a group of random kids who are of no importance. "Cinnamon Toast Crunch! The taste you can see!" says another random kid I don't care about.

**Commercial #2:**

"From the makers of 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!' and 'I Can't Believe It's Not a Tube Sock!' comes..." says the announcer. " 'I Can't Believe It's Not Edible!' Let's hear ACTUAL quotes from ACTUAL people who have ACTUALLY tried this product!"

"I couldn't believe this product wasn't edible!" says a man in a neck brace. "It was delicious!"

"When I first tried this product, I was amazed!" says an old lady on life support. "In fact, I went up to the person who was giving samples and beat the crud out of them, just to get more!"

"ROOOOOAAAARRRRR!" says Steve the Bear. "GGGRRRRRR! ARRRRGGG!"

"As you can clearly see, everybody who has tried this product absolutely loves it!" said the announcer. "Hey, wait, aren't you supposed to be dead?" Then, suddenly, Steve the Bear disappeared.

"There are many health risks associated with this product." said another announcer, talking very quickly. "You should not consume this product if you are an old man, may become an old man, pregnant, may become pregnant, sick, may become sick, have been sick in the past, or are over or under the age of two-hundred. Side effects may include: internal bleeding, external bleeding, vomiting, a strange rash in the shape of Utah, excessive coughing, hatred towards Switzerland, barfing, strange hair growth on nose, hair color distortion, the feeling of bugs on your skeleton, hallucinating that the Naruto characters are everywhere (especially at the dentist), slow toenail growth, random urges to dance, an extreme craving for pie (especially blueberry or cherry), the urge to create a fruitier tasting meat, waking up in the middle of the night and finding yourself eating a bear, nausea, mistaking your friends for bears with fruit atop their heads, strange lines that appear on your face, hurling, insomnia, burping, the urge to steal your sister's eyeliner, spitting fire, control of sand, hallucinating that your phone is either a banana or hot pink, craving to eat some 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, a Tube Sock, or Edible', the urge to kill your older siblings, the urge to type side-effects for a really long time, finding your self doing a silly bear walk, growth of overly-sized warts, spiky hair that never seems to move, pink hair, the urge to scream lame phrases like 'Believe it!' or 'I'm in the springtime of youth!', the urge to counter such remarks with 'Loser' or 'I hate you all.' or 'I shall kill you now.', becoming a lamp, growing a beard at extremely fast speeds (may crop up in less then a minute in some not so extreme cases), tossing your cookies, the urge to kill everybody you come in contact with, the loss of your pupils in your eyes, the need to take revenge on your older brother, developing pink ears, developing bushy eyebrows, finding your hair growing into little buns on your head, finding weapons that seem to appear out of nowhere (or scrolls in some cases), idiocy, loserishness, a love of snakes, finding your glasses are glued to your head, love of sugar cookies with pink frosting and circular sprinkles, the desire to cheat on your next test, the need to read stupid manga, dreaming you are eating a marshmallow and waking up and finding yourself chewing on your pillow, finding yourself thinking how troublesome everything is, growing the desire to eat everything that doesn't move (and some things that do), figuring out a complex logic problem and finding you have an IQ of over 200, developing an enlarged forehead, excessive spitting, excessive drooling, enlarged canine teeth, the urge to put dogs on your head, finding yourself subconsciously herding deer, waking up one morning in a rather strange green spandex unitard, the urge to play mirror in the middle of the street, fear of peaches, finding yourself purchasing rather odd blue shoes that expose your toes (but provide great ankle and arch support), having an extreme thirst for blood, disappearing in a puff of smoke (sometimes randomly and sometimes at dramatic moments if you can learn to control such a power), screaming unnecessarily, upchucking, having difficulties when it comes to spelling (English or German, or in most cases Japanese), the inability to blink, extreme love of the number three, the loss of the ability to form sentences, becoming a cat-person, catering to pigs, eyes becoming red, developing a love of chocolate cheese, finding yourself listening to lightning, getting high off of skim milk, the need to sing the 'Badger Song' or the 'Banana Phone' song, or even the 'Llama Song', the need to follow the butterflies, finding yourself talking in strange accents (normally British or Scottish), becoming a pig, the need to shove raisins up your nose or in your ears, developing an allergic reaction when you come in contact with happiness, an extreme lack of youthfulness, an addiction to anime, or, in some not so rare cases, death. If any of these things occur, please avoid your doctor and your lawyer to your greatest power. No squirrels were harmed in the making of this commercial, but I wish they would have been. Thank you and I hope you don't die."

**Back to the Flashback:**

"OMG! YOU KILLED SANTA CLAUS!" screamed Tenten.

"How could you?" asked Neji.

"Well," started Lee, "he really wanted winter. Winter, winter, winter! That's all he ever wants! He _hates_ spring! And for that, he must DIE!"

"But the presents..." Neji trailed off.

"What? You hate everything! I thought you'd be happy! I always thought you'd be the one to kill him! That's why I had to kill him first! Me! Because you are my arch-rival, the very cool, powerful, and genius-tastic Neji!"

"I KNOW WHO I AM YOU IDIOT! And yes, I am cool, powerful, and genius-tastic, BUT YOU STILL CAN'T KILL SANTA CLAUS! HE'S THE ONE WHO GIVES PRESENTS! DON'T YOU EVER GET PRESENTS FROM SANTA CLAUS! And, sometimes, especially recently, I've..."

"You've what?" asked Tenten, who's still there, by the way.

"I've...I've...I'VE BEEN GETTING INTO THE CHRITMAS SPIRIT!" screamed Neji. Rock Lee, Tenten, all of the random people on the street, and some people who aren't standing on the street, all stared at him. Neji's face turned red.

"Darn Lee... I always end up embarrassing myself when he's around...DARN SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH! CURSE YOU, LEE, GAI-SENSEI, AND THE GENERAL SEASON OF SPRING!" screamed Neji up into the heavens.

**BACK TO REALITY:**

"You're right." said Neji.

"Exactly! Who knows who could be next! The New Year's Baby!" exclaimed Tenten.

"Nobody really cares about him." said Neji. "Everybody just likes the fact that they get to party all night and get the next day off."

"Ok, what about the Easter Bunny?" asked Tenten.

"NO!" screamed Neji. Tenten gave him a questioning look. "I have a soft spot for bunnies..." he mumbled.

"Wait! Where did Lee go!" exclaimed Tenten.

"OH GOD! WE NEED TO FIND HIM, NOW!" yelled Neji, as he started to run. Tenten grabbed the collar of his shirt.

"Idiot! You have you're Byakugan for a reason! Use it!"

"Oh, right. I got a little bit ahead of myself. Byakugan!" Neji looked around using his completely awesome power. He sighed and began to walk.

"Hey! Where are you going!" screamed Tenten. Neji walked up to a tree and kicked it, rather hard. Out fell Lee. He landed right on his behind.

"Lee! What were you doing in the tree?" asked Tenten.

"OH NO! WHERE IS HE!" screamed Lee.

"What..." Tenten trailed off.

"You landed on him." said Neji, rather calmly.

"OH GOD! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" exclaimed Lee. He stood up and looked at the spot he had landed on. On the ground lay a rather flat, dead squirrel.

"NOOOOOOOOO..." Lee continued screaming.

"Oh Lee, it's just..." started Tenten.

"NOOOOOOOOO..."

"It's only..."

"NOOOOOOOOO..."

"Please, it'll be..."

"NOOOOOOOOO..."

"SHUT THE HECK UP!" screamed Neji, still some how managing to seem cool and calm. Lee stopped his idiotic shouting.

"You're squirrel friend is dead. You killed it. Deal with it." he said.

"But, but……." said Lee, his eyes tearing up.

"No buts! Anyway," said Neji, smirking, "crying is not youthful." Lee stood up tall.

"You're right! Crying is not youthful at all! I will stop this unyouthful action immediately!" said Lee, sounding proud. "Now, let us go shopping! That is very youthful!"

"Fine" said Neji, sighing.

"Alright! Let's go!" said Tenten. She began to walk through the woods, with Lee and Neji following her.

**SOME TIME PASSES:**

Tenten, Lee, and Neji were all in Konoha's shopping district. (They have one now, just deal with it.)

"Ok! Let us begin this very youthful shopping adventure!" said Lee.

"Alright; now remember, we are looking for a new hobby for Neji." said Tenten.

"What?" said Neji. "I thought this was about cookies! I don't need a new hobby! I already have plenty of hobbies."

"Like what?"

"I hate the world. That has to count for something."

"Not really. You need a, uhhhhhh, non-hatred hobby. You know, where you spend your time _loving _something, not hating something."

"But I rather enjoy hating things."

"Tenten is right! You must find a youthful hobby! In fact, your hobby can be training! That is such a worthy hobby! You and I can forever train together! Yes! That will be very youthful!" said Lee. Neji looked at Tenten.

"Can't we just tie him to a post somewhere? I mean really." said Neji.

"No" said Tenten. "If we do that, he might get loose and kill the Easter Bunny."

"NOT THE EASTER BUNNY! Fine, we shall take him along."

"Ok, so, Neji; what are some things that you like or enjoy?" asked Tenten.

"Uhhhhhhhhhh, there really isn't much…… the death of the main branch of the Hyuuga clan? Does that count?"

"No, I mean something that doesn't involve dieing." Neji opened his mouth. "Or pain" added Tenten. Neji closed his mouth.

"_This is going to be more difficult then I had expected…….." _thought Tenten. She stood completely still for exactly 8.94854527 seconds, during which she was obviously thinking.

"I have it!" she exclaimed.

"Have what?" asked Neji.

"Your perfect new obsession/hobby! Follow me!" she said, taking off running down the street.

"YES!" said Lee. "Running is so youthful!" he began to run after her.

"Why am I surrounded my morons……." mumbled Neji, before running down the street as well. Tenten eventually stopped when she reached a store called _Clair's_. (A/N: For those who don't know, _Clair's_ is a shop for girls. They sell a lot of jewelry and things like that.)

"Ah, yes! Lavender! What a youthful color!" said Lee, when Neji and he caught up to Tenten.

"This is a shop for girls." said Neji.

"So?" said Tenten.

"I'm not a girl."

"HOLY CRAP! YOU ARE NOT A GIRL!?!" screamed Lee, so that everybody within a ten mile radius could hear.

"Shut up! I'm NOT a girl." said Neji, as many random people who were walking by looked at the teenage girl and the two teenage boys (who are not girls) standing in front of a shop for girls.

"But the hair…….." said Lee, his eyes open wide. Neji sighed.

"Did you think I was a girl as well?" Neji asked Tenten.

"No, but I know that we'll find what we need here. Come on!" she said, beginning to walk in the door, but then she stopped when she realized that nobody was following her.

"I'm a bit uncomfortable with this……." said Neji.

"Come on! It'll be fine! Guys come in here all the time, see?" she said, pointing at some random person in the store.

"Uhhhhhhh, that's not a guy………" said Neji. The person turned around. It was Hinata.

"Oh…… hi Hinata! How are you?" said Tenten sweetly. Luckily enough for her, Hinata hadn't heard her previous remark.

"Hello" she said shyly.

"So, what are you doing here?" asked Tenten.

"I, uhhhhhhhhh……….." she said, clutching at bag labeled _Clair's_ tighter.

"It's ok. You don't have to tell us if you don't want to." said Tenten, smiling sweetly.

"Thank you." said Hinata. She looked up and noticed her cousin using his Byakugan. "I must leave now; goodbye!" she said quickly, as she began to run down the street.

"Wait!" said Neji. She stopped, not far from them, and turned around.

"Hand it over." he said.

"Neji! God! Give her a little privacy….." said Tenten. Neji began to walk over to his cousin. She looked frightened. Then, suddenly she fainted. Neji stopped mid-step. Then, she quickly got back up, and ran away.

"Well, that was not very youthful…." said Lee.

"What were you thinking! You idiot! She's your cousin! Leave her alone, will ya?" ranted Tenten. Neji looked at Tenten.

"I saw what was in the bag." he said, closing his eyes.

"And?" said Tenten.

"So you are curious as well?" Neji said, smirking.

"Well, I guess, if you know…….." she said, blushing.

"The bag was filled with makeup. A LOT of makeup. But, personally, with the amount she uses, it will probably only last a week…….."

"What?"

"You've never seen Hinata without her makeup, have you? It's a horrible site."

"What? That's so mean! No wonder she wears it all the time……" said Tenten. Neji pulled a picture out of his pocket and handed it to Tenten. She looked at it for a second, and shrieked a very girly shriek. Then she handed the picture back to Neji, her eyes still open wide and her mouth agape.

"Excatly" said Neji, putting the picture back in his pocket. Lee continued to stand where he was.

"I feel left out. Can we get back to where we were?" said Lee, obviously bored.

"We need to give her at least another minute to get over the shock." said Neji.

"So………… have you seen any good movies lately?" asked Lee.

"I saw a movie last night."

"Oh really? What was it?"

"It was called 'A Beary Good Disguise'. It was pretty lame. It was about some bear that got loose in the city."

"Oh yeah? I haven't seen that one yet. Where did you see it?"

"At the house. It was family movie night."

"I see. I just saw a movie the other day about happiness, and squirrels, and birdies, and ninja who talk to squirrels and birdies, and flowers, and...……."

"Well, it seems Tenten is finally snapping out of it." said Neji, looking at his comrade, who blinked for the first time in over a minute.

"What?" said Tenten, shaking her head. "God, you were right. I'm personally glad that she wears all of that makeup. Where were we? Oh, yes, now I remember. It's not that bad! Guys go into _Clair's_ all of the time!"

"But you still have yet to give an example." said Neji.

"Uhhhhhh….." said Tenten, looking in the stop window.

"I have gone in this shop before! Gai-sensei and I were looking for some foreign language tapes!" said Lee.

"What kind of foreign language tapes do you find at _Clair's_?" asked Tenten.

"Squirrel language tapes! I'm learning how to speak squirrel! In fact, I was practicing in the tree before………before………before……….." Lee trailed off, staring blankly.

"I'm sorry, but Lee doesn't count in my book." said Neji.

"Yeah, I don't think he does in anybodies…… Oh! There are some guys!" said Tenten, pointing at what seemed to be two people's rather large spiky hair sticking up behind one of the shelves.

"Hey!" said Tenten, walking into the shop. She looked around the shelf. "C'mon guys!" she said, signaling to Neji and Lee. They looked at each other. Lee walked confidently into the shop, and Neji sulked in behind him. They went over toward Tenten and the spiky haired people.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" asked Tenten. Who are these two spiky haired boys? What the heck are they doing in _Clair's_? Find out………….AFTER A SERIES OF RANDOM WORDS!!!

PIE!

CANADIA!

PANDA!

FIG!

FEATHER!

BLUE!

PIRATES!

MORE PIE!

SPIKY HAIR!

BANANA PHONE!

CHEESE!

LLAMA!

WAFFLE!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!

MORE PIE!

SOLITARE!

HAIR DYE!

PALM TREE!

PINAPPLE!

SHIKAMARU'S HAIR!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT EDIBLE!

MOURNING BEARS!

WILLY WONKA!

MAC AND CHEESE!

PICKLE!

SEVENTY-FIVE POINT THREE TWO EIGHT ZERO FIVE NINE!

APPLE PIE!

PANCAKES!

MUFFIN!

NEJI LOOKS LIKE A GIRL!

TIGER!

OREOS!

CHOCOLATE!

CHOCOLATE PIE!

SPORK!

DOORKNOB!

CORNFLAKES!

SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION!

AN ENDLESS AMOUNT OF PIE!

Ehem; back to the story.

"Nothing!" said Kiba. "We aren't doing anything here!"

"Then why are you and Shikamaru carrying an arm-load of beauty products?" asked Tenten, eyeing them.

"Well……."

"It's no use Kiba." said Shikamaru. "They've caught us. We are buying beauty supplies for Ino."

"What! I thought they were…." started Kiba. Shikamaru shot him a fierce glance. "Oh! Right!" he said. "Ino paid us to get these for her. Yep, that's it. We aren't getting them for anybody BUT Ino. Yeah……"

"What are you doing here, anyway?" asked Shikamaru with a smirk. Neji glared at him.

"Tenten dragged me in here."

"Why would she do that?" asked Kiba.

"We could sit here and ask each other questions all day." said Neji. "But I believe it would be wise for us to split up now." Neji stared hard at Shikamaru. Shikamaru stared back. This staring fit went on for some time. Then, they both closed their eyes and smiled at the same time.

"I understand." said Shikamaru. "Come on Kiba, let's buy this stuff and got lost."

"Whatever" said Kiba, as he and Shikamaru went over to the counter.

"What the heck just happened?" asked Lee, totally oblivious.

"It's a genius boy thing." said Neji.

"What about me?" asked Lee.

"He said both _genius _and _boy_. I don't get it either. Just get over it." said Tenten.

"Yeah…………..Hey! That was rather unyouthful! I am both very youthfully genius and boy!" said Lee. Tenten and Neji laughed.

"You're definitely not a genius……" said Tenten.

"He's right about the boy thing. I guess I should say a _manly_ genius." said Neji.

"But……"

"You went into a girl store to find a tape about how to speak to squirrels. There was nothing manly about that." said Neji.

"I…….."

"Just give it up Lee. I don't understand either." said Tenten. Lee gave Neji a hard gaze.

"I will make it my mission to prove myself manlier then you!" said Lee, pointing at Neji.

"Whatever" said Neji. There was an awkward silence that followed.

"Wait, why are we here again?" asked Lee.

"Oh, right! I almost forgot! Neji's hobby! Here; follow me!" said Tenten, walking toward another section in the store. Lee looked at Neji. Neji looked at Lee. Then, Lee took a deep breath, stuck his chest out, and followed Tenten, taking rather large steps.

"Moron……" mumbled Neji, as he sulked along. When he reached Tenten, he found her standing next to a stand. Upon farther inspection, he found that all of the items had cute bunnies on them, and phrases under the bunnies.

"_This_ is what you think my hobby should be?" asked Neji, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. Here, read some of these." she said, handing him a book entitled Life, Get One.

"Wow! Look at all of the colors and cute bunnies! How youthful!" said Lee. Neji read some of the book.

'_When life gives you lemons, squirt lemon juice into the eyes of your enemies.'_

_Very true._

'_Love makes the world go 'round. But, I'm pretty sure money has something to do with it too.'_

_I'm pretty sure it does too. Wow! This is awesome! Bunnies and hatred……all in one!_

"What do you think?" asked Tenten. Neji put the book back from whence it came and closed his eyes.

"I don't know. I will have to take the night and ponder." said Neji. Tenten sighed. She had grown accustomed to his apathy.

"Fine" she said. "I have to go now, anyway. Tell me when you decide tomorrow!" said Tenten.

"Wait! The day is still young and youthful! We should go train together, as a team or something. In fact, I will go locate Gai-sensei immediately!" said Lee, running out the door. Neji and Tenten looked at each other.

"Three" said Tenten.

"Two" said Neji.

"One" they both said together. Then, they both ran as fast as they could out the door, and in opposite directions down the street, to their homes (or mansions in Neji's case).

**TWENTY MINUTES LATER:**

Lee and Gai were running down the street.

"Lee! Where are we going! What is the emergency that cut our moment short?" said Gai. (A/N: You know. "Lee!" "Gai-sensei!" "Lee!" "Gai-sensei!")

"We must train!" said Lee.

"So? God, kid, even I don't train ALL of the time; just about ninety percent of my time."

"What about sleeping?"

"I train in my sleep! Hey, Lee, where are we running to?"

"_Clair's_!"

"Lee! Didn't I tell you _only _to go to _Clair's_ when in disguise? All manly men know better then that!"

"I'm sorry Gai-sensei! Tenten wanted me to come in!"

"Oh! So now you're taking orders from a girl!"

"No! She was mostly trying to get my very cool, powerful, and genius-tastic archrival Neji to go in, and I just had to beat him, Gai-sensei! I just had to! I would feel very unyouthful to lose to him!"

"It's fine Lee, we're here now." said Gai, as the stopped right outside _Clair's_. They walked in the shop. They found it fairly empty, except for Hinata, who was buying more makeup. Lee sighed.

"I thought that I would actually be able to beat Neji in training today." he said. Gai looked down at his disappointed student.

"It's ok, adorable student Lee. Hey, why don't we go get our hair cut at the solon down the street? That always cheers you up!" said Gai.

"Yes Gai-sensei! I think my hair is getting too long, anyway. I have the feeling that soon I'll actually be………"

"Be what?"

"Be……………………..NORMAL!"

"GASP! WE CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPENING! WE MUST GET TO THE SOLON, AND FAST! QUICK, TO THE GAI-MOBILE!" Gai pressed a button on his invisible wristband. The pair waited for about a minute, until two pink unicorns came up the front doors of the store. Gai and Lee both jumped onto their unicorns, and rode off down the street, into the setting sun.

THE END!

Wait, not yet.

**THAT NIGHT:**

Hinata was walking down a street in the shopping district. She stopped in front of _Clair's_.

'_Something seems…………………… different.' _She thought, staring at the store front. All of the store's front windows were shattered.

'_I can't quite place it……… Oh well. I came here on a mission, and I will complete the mission. Ok, so it's not an official mission. It's a mission of beauty! That's way more important, especially if I want Naruto to notice me……..' _she thought, blushing. She walked in the store through the door way (the door was gone). She walked over to the makeup section, and just dumped whole shelves of stuff into a rather large, empty duffle bag. As she was doing this, she saw something flash. It seemed as if something, or someone, was moving very fast out the door. She carefully placed her bag of precious makeup on the ground, and went to the doorway to look. She saw nothing. Then, she took a quick walk around the store, inspecting to see if anything, other then the makeup, had disappeared. It had. The whole Happy Bunny display was gone.

**THE NEXT MORNING:**

It was a very peaceful morning at the Hyuuga mansion. Or, at least, it was for now. Hinata was very nervous. She didn't want to do this, but it had to be done. She knew all of the possible risks associated with it, but she didn't care. It was right. She wandered down the hallways of the mansion, looking for one door. The door. His door. Eventually, she found it. In slow motion (for dramatic effect, of course) she raised a fist. She slowly, no, very slowly, moved it towards the door. Around this time I got bored of it taking so long, so she just knocked normally. Nobody answered.

"Neji, brother, please open the door. I would like to speak with you." said Hinata quietly. Still no answer. She sighed.

"NEJI YOU IDIOT! GET YOUR LAZY BUTT OUT HERE!" Hinata screamed. Still no answer.

'_That always gets him to come out…….. I wonder where he is…….' _she thought. Then, she noticed something on his door. It was a note. She looked at it closer. It read……

TRAINING N' STUFF. FELT LIKE KILLING THE MAIN BRANCH THIS MORNING. BUT I DIDN'T. I'M A GOOD BOY.

'_What is this, his journal or something? What a freak.'_ Hinata thought. Alas, there was more to the note……

P.S. SIGNED HINATA UP FOR A SELF-ABUSE CLASS. IT DIDN'T SPECIFY WHAT IT WAS FOR. I JUST ASSUMED IT WAS MAKEUP. STARTS TODAY.

'_Damn him……. getting involved with my life…… now I'm probably going to be with a bunch of drug addicts…….'_

P.S.S. MY REWARD FOR BEING A GOOD BOY WAS THE LAST SMORES POPTART.

_NEJI THE GOOD BOY_

"NOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU, BROTHER NEJI!" screamed Hinata up into the heavens.

**AT THE TRAINING GROUNDS:**

I understand that you're probably bored of this story by now. So, I have decided to stop it here. The End.

HA HA! GOTCHA! NOT! AS IF I WOULD CARE ABOUT YOUR ATTENTION SPAN!

Ehem. Back to the story. Well, you get it by now. Same place as yesterday. Same people as yesterday. Same setup as yesterday. Tenten and Lee looking at Neji who is sitting under the tree.

"I don't think your hobby idea worked. He has become no more youthful then before." said Lee. Tenten sighed.

"I know. Maybe I should just talk to him…….." she said.

"I don't know. You know how he gets….."

"OI, NEJI! I WANNA TALK TO YOU!" screamed Tenten, completely ignoring Lee. It was a skill she had learned to master.

"Hi, loser." said Neji. Tenten sighed. He always said things like 'I hate you' and……… wait. Did he just say some form of greeting, and not a death threat? Wasn't that a Happy Bunny phrase? Had her plan worked? Neji walked over toward his comrades.

"But, but…………" said Lee. Yet again, he was ignored.

"Did you…… how's the Happy Bunny thing going?" asked Tenten. Neji grinned. It wasn't very big, but it was a grin. A small smile, for those who have admiration for alliteration. There was a 'GASP!' heard (thanks to my wonderful sound effects, of course).

"I am fond of the idea of Happy Bunny." said Neji. "In fact…….." Neji then did something rather unexpected. He took off his shoes. Then, he took off his feet. Yes, he took off his feet. No, it's not what you're thinking. You see, being a ninja is very hard on the feet. So, socks are necessary. But, if you wear socks, then it'll clash with the shoes. So, all ninja wore many layers on their feet; socks, an outer layer that looks like feet, and shoes (and, in Shino's case, there is a layer of bugs in there somewhere). So, he took off the outer layer, exposing his socks. They had Happy Bunny on them.

"That's not it……." said Neji. Then, he did another unexpected thing. He ripped off his shirt. Yes, ripped it off, scaring the heck out of Lee and Tenten.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?" screamed Tenten. But, then she realized what he was doing. Luckly, underneath his regular shirt was a Happy Bunny shirt.

"Holy crap….." said Tenten, and she was justified. The shirt read 'Cute but kinda evil'. He was really going over the edge here. But, he wasn't done. Then, he ripped off his pants. Yes, he ripped off his pants. No, it's not what you're thinking (or maybe it is…..). He was wearing Happy Bunny boxers. This was beginning to get scary…….

"And that's not all……"

"STOP!" screamed Tenten. She had had more then enough of this.

"What's the problem? It's just Happy Bunny?" said Neji. Tenten pointed at Lee. He was on the ground, sucking his thumb, in the fetal position. Nobody had ever seen Lee like this before. He was always being brave. But this just was too much for him.

"I think you sent him over the edge…….." said Tenten. She was right. "He needs help, and fast!"

"I know! We can take him to the mental facility." said Neji.

"Konaha has one of those?" asked Tenten.

"Yeah, and it's close by too."

"Well, that's strangely convenient……."

"There's no time! I think it's getting worse….."

"Fine, but, seriously, but your clothes back on. Nobody is going to take you seriously wearing that."

"Well, I kinda ripped off everything, so this will have to do. Let's go!" said Neji. Somehow, in the next ten minutes, Neji and Tenten managed to get Lee to the KMF, or Konaha Mental Facility (there was a lot of dragging involved). When they got there, they made it looked like they hadn't harmed Lee in any way on the trip over (which they had), put him between them, supporting him by…… well…. I can't describe it….. you know…. like when somebody gets hurt…. and their teammates help them walk….. like that…… except he was unconscious. The walked in through some automatic doors to the lobby. There were a whole lot of chairs, and a whole lot of people waiting in them.

"This could take a while…." mumbled Neji. He and Tenten brought Lee to the reception desk.

"Hello, how may I………. HOLY CRUD! WHAT HAPPENED! FORGET THE LINE! YOU NEED TO GO IN, RIGHT AWAY!" said, well, screamed the receptionist, who, for my convenience, we will name Sally.

"Thank you" said Tenten sweetly. Then, a couple of muscular guys in big white coats and sunglasses came out from a door over to the side.

"Time to come with us." said one guy.

"Well, he can't hear you, he's kinda unconscious." said Tenten. The second guy flicked Neji.

"Ow" said Neji.

"Nope, he's conscious." said the second guy. Tenten sighed.

"It's not him. It's the one in the stupid green unitard." said Tenten.

"No, you're friend in his underwear is obviously the insane one. If he isn't coming, then we will make him." said the first guy. He pulled out a very, very, very large needle.

"Nooooo, wait….." said Neji. It was too late. The guy poked him with the needle, and he fell to the floor, causing Lee to fall to the floor, causing random people in the lobby to look at them, causing the London Bridge to fall, causing a bird to die, causing Tenten to slap the man with the needle, causing…… well….. other stuff.

"Tenten?" said a shy voice. It was Hinata.

"Hinata! What are you doing here?" asked Tenten.

"I….. uhhhh…… my brother Neji signed me up for something……." she said.

"Excuse me" said Sally, the receptionist. "I believe we can see both of your friends right now."

"Alright" said Tenten. The muscular guys picked up the two unconscious boys and brought them behind the doors.

"You may have a seat." said Sally.

"Nah, I'll wait for Hinata and leave. Those two have caused me too much trouble as it is. Anyway, I think I need to rinse out my eyes with soap." said Tenten.

"Well, I….." started Hinata. Then, an announcement came on.

"ALL PEOPLE FOR THE SELF-ABUSE CLASS MAY COME BACK AT THIS TIME! I LIKE PIE! THAT IS ALL."

"I need to go. Bye!" said Hinata, quickly running behind the door, leaving Tenten very confused. She went down a hallway and went in a room with a sign that read 'COME IN'. The room was fairly barren, with about fifteen chairs in a circle. There were three already in the room and in their seats; a badger, Shino, and Kiba.

"H-Hello" said Hinata, taking a seat next to her teammates. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"We are here for the self-abuse class." said Shino mysteriously.

"Why are you in this class?" asked Kiba.

"My-my makeup problem………. Neji signed me up…….." said Hinata. "What about you guys?"

"I have a drug problem." said Shino. Even though the others didn't know that already, it didn't surprise them. I mean, come on, he has a big jacket with a high collar and sunglasses. Kind of a creepy guy.

"I have a literal self abuse problem." said Kiba.

"What do you mean?" asked Hinata.

"Well, I don't know, I can't control it." said Kiba. Then, for some odd reason, he slapped himself on the face, and rather hard as well.

"OW!" he screamed. He slapped himself again.

"See what I mean? OW!" he slapped himself again. In fact, it became a sort of frenzy. He was just continuously slapping himself on the face. Then, he started flailing his other arm around. It was very funny to watch.

"OW! OW! OW! NO! AT THIS RATE, OW, MY MOISTURIZER WILL, OW, BE SLAPPED OF MY, OW, FACE, OW!" he continued. Shino and Hinata just stared. They both felt kind of lucky that their problems, although maybe worse then Kiba's, were not as idiotic looking.

And now, it is time for the conclusion. Let me give a quick run through of the characters and how they turned out. The self-abuse class helped Kiba and Shino overcome their problems. It did nothing for Hinata, though. Once Lee had awoken, the people in the white coats and sunglasses decided that he needed to stay in a little white room for the rest of his life. Upon hearing this Gai decided that he could not let his adorable student be lonely for the rest of his life, so Gai decided to join Lee in the little white room. They decided that Neji, on the other hand, at least had the ability to become normal again. He stayed in a little white room and had sessions with the people in the white coats for about a month. After he left, he shifted his hatred of the main branch toward bunnies, so, consequently, he hated bunnies, but loved his family. Tenten went home after dropping Lee and Neji off at the KMF. Because she had so much time alone (she no longer had a sensei or group members), she decided to take over the world. She failed. And, well, there are probably other people involved that I just don't feel like mentioning. Oh well. Ok, I believe NOW is the proper time to end things. Have a good day and….. hold on….. I think we have a note from the sponsors here………. Ah, yes. 'I Can't Believe It's Not Edible' has been discontinued. Apparently you one product can only kill one hundred people before it's discontinued. What a shame. Also, there will be a memorial service held for Steve the Bear next Monday in the forests outside of Konoha. Yes, I believe that is all. Have a good day!

**FIN**

**Next Time: A Nice Meal Out**


End file.
